I write this knowing that we all have our own personal struggles, so some people will be really hit by it, and others will go, oh yeah, I've heard that before, it's really not an issue for me. There's nothing wrong with that! I love the things that I don't struggle with! So, this will be dedicated to the people, like me, who read this and think... ohhh... hmmm... is that me??
In my Sunday school class this week, Pastor Craig said the phrase "Are you loving God, or are you using God?" For the life of me I don't remember why he said it, but it really stuck with me. Am I loving God because I just love him THAT much!? Or am I loving God because I think that if by showing Him more love, He will in turn give me the things that I want? I hope that I love God becuase I love him, but the fact that I can't say that with 100% surety means I need to spend some time pondering my motives. Do I make dinner for someone who's in need with the motive that they will think I am a nice/helpful person, or just because I love God that much? I used to think if you were doing something nice for someone, there couldn't be a wrong motive. I would disagree with that now. If we do anything other than to glorify God, our motive is wrong, is it not? This has really stuck out in my mind lately, possibly because of a few things I've been "asking" God for. Is it possible that I'm doing my "God loving" actions just so God will fulfill my wishes? If He were to say, "No Angela, this is not what I want for you" would I continue to try as hard to glorify him in all things? All I can really say at this point is I hope so. I want to love God because I LOVE Him, not because I'm using Him! This week I've taken a break from the "me" section in my prayer pouch because I haven't quite figured out how to continue asking for my "wants" and ensure that I am not using God to get them. As I've paid closer attention to the motives behind my actions, I've realized it's disgusting how many of them were anything but bringing glory to God. Even the good things I did! So there you have it... now you know one of my deepest imperfections! It's a good thing we serve such an amazingly forgiving God. I am so far from worthy and yet He still loves me. Let me also use this opportunity to say, no matter what you've done, He loves you too. :-)
2 comments:
Wow Angela, not your typical, "What's new with you" blog post. Very intriguing. Looking at our actions as a sort of Swap Meet with God.... I'll do this if you do that. Hmm.. I know that I have to remind myself from time to time, when I am helping someone who either doesn't appreciate it or maybe isn't as "in need" as I thought... Not to us, but to GOD be the glory. I didn't do what I did for me or for them, I did it for HIM. I will share that the closer I am to God, the better I feel, and the more inadequate I feel. I think it's like driving towards a mountain. You can enjoy the bigness and the vastness of it, but it's when you are right up against it that you become speechless.
Love this post, Angela. It's a really good heart-check to ask yourself: Why do I do "good things"? I would like to say it's to glorify the Lord, but in reality, for me, it's to check a box, cross it off a list, or to pat myself on the back saying, "Good job, Molly, you were unselfish today" and then work it into a conversation somehow. Love the idea that good things should be done for God's glory. Period. You've got me thinking, girl, thanks for sharing!
(And, thanks for laughing with me Sunday when I made that comment to Kent about not being THAT big, I don't know why but I've laughed all week about that. He never cracked a smile. Funniest thing this whole week!!!)
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